First of all, I would like to say thank you to the two of you who responded to my last post. I appreciate your support. I just want to address some of the ideas that you threw at me as a means of moving forward.
Becca wrote, "I know you have been taking steps to get healthy, but it seems that you are focused on all the negative things that are happening. Maybe it would be helpful to make a list of all the things you are doing right, vs what you are doing wrong?"
This is a good point. I tend to focus on everything that I do wrong and don't give myself credit for everything that I do right. This is true not only on this weight loss journey, but also in life in general. I like to beat myself up. Point taken. I need to work on that. I do want to say that while I always mention the things that I am doing wrong, this blog is my opportunity to be honest about how I am doing. I am admitting my faults so that I recognize what they are and can move on from them. This is my sounding board. This is where I admit everything that I am not doing right and confront it. But like Becca said, I need to concentrate on what I am doing right too! So, here's my list:
1. I have lost a lot of weight, it was almost 30 lbs. before I gained some back. This is a small set back and I can certainly lose that weight again. This is a huge accomplishment and this small set back is nothing in comparison to the bigger picture!
2. I am moving more. I am getting exercise in multiple days a week and that is fantastic.
3. I'm eating all of my 5 servings of fruits and veggies everyday, and sometimes more! I used to hardly eat any! I'm also getting in my dairy, and drinking all of my water. These are amazing choices and I will see the health benefits.
4. I am learning to take better care of myself so that I can enjoy my life a lot more.
5. I am helping my husband be healthier also. This will benefit the two of us.
Ok, so there's a start. A list of 5 things that I am doing right. I'm sure I could think of more. I think this will be a good strategy to use every time I start to feel discouraged. Thanks, Becca! :)
Leila wrote, "HI... :) I follow your blog. I don't even know your name! But you're an inspiration to me none the less."
First of all, thanks for following my blog. :) My name is Alissa, by the way. And the fact that I could be an inspiration to someone else really makes me feel good. That's something to keep me going!
Leila also wrote, "It could be something deeper that's eating at you (har har... i didn't realize I was making a pun until i wrote that.) and food is a coping mechanism, a type of self-medication. If you solve the deeper problem, perhaps the food cravings will calm down with it."
I think that Leila hit the nail right on the head. I have come to realize that I eat for emotional reasons. Until Leila wrote this, I hadn't even thought about how stressed out I have been lately. I have had a lot of homework and we have guests coming this week so I have a lot of cleaning to do around the house. Not to mention work, where I got more responsibilities piled on me without any extra pay. I'm in that period where you have to start getting comfortable with new processes and procedures and until you get in that comfort zone, it can be a little overwhelming.
On the same note, in the back of my mind I feel like I am going to fail. It's a terrible feeling and I am trying my hardest to fight it. That little voice in my head says, "You'll probably fail this time, you've failed so many times in the past." When I start to see the weight start to come on again, I feel like it is because ultimately, I am going to fail. This is a deep issue for me and I think it is all about believing in myself. I need to have more faith in me and what I can accomplish if I put my mind to it.
In the end, I think it all comes down to the fact that I am just not trying hard enough. I am not saying no to the evil voice in my head that tells me to buy cookies out of the vending machine. I am not utilizing the skills that I had equipped myself with in the beginning when I would say, "Those cookies aren't going to get me closer to being healthy," and then I would turn for a carton of milk or eat the fruit that I brought with me. I need to suck it up and get with it. Work harder Alissa!!! (I realize this post is making me sound schizophrenic. hehe)
So those are my thoughts. Today, after getting on the scale this morning and gaining yet another pound, my goal has been to only eat foods that I would consider safe for a "diet." I've done so well today and I am proud of myself for that. I need to give credit where credit is due.
Sorry this is so long, and if you have read through all of this, thanks for listening! :)