Saturday, May 5, 2012

Getting My Feelings Hurt

Isn’t it amazing how even at 26 years old, I can still encounter a rude jerk who makes me feel like I’m that awkward 14 year old fat girl getting made fun of in gym class again?

Tonight, hubby and I went to a graduation party for one of his relatives. A bunch of us younger people played volleyball for a while. I’m not very good at volleyball. And before I started this journey, I would just sit out and wish I could play with everyone else, too ashamed of my body to even try to play.

And I’ve changed, right? I’m fairly athletic now. So I thought I’d give it a whirl tonight.

About the only thing I’m good at in volleyball is serving the ball. Otherwise, I’m just not agile enough to lunge my body into the air and spike the ball to score the winning point. So I’m slightly awkward and slightly no good at volleyball, to tell you the truth.

But most of the people playing weren’t exactly stellar either. So I just decided to have fun and give my best. There was this one guy who I discovered was a total jerk. The first comment he made suggested that I go to the back row and let one of the “strong guys” play in the front. I brushed that one off.

But one comment he made was enough to send me back into my old self. And I don’t know if I’m more upset with him for saying such a rude thing or at myself for not having the strength to hold my head high and call him out on it. I think I’m more upset at myself for not having the “balls” (excuse my term) to just stand up to him and say, “what gives?”.

I missed one hit. Hubby thought I was going to get it and I thought he was going to get it. Hubby jokingly said…”honey…” in a disappointed voice. And I just laughed. Until I heard the Jerk Face say, “Yeh really, what are you doing up there? You could have at least spiked it or something instead of standing there just hanging out like you’ve been doing all game.” Not joking in the least bit, he was totally serious. I pretended like I didn’t hear him. Thankfully, that was the end of the game. And I left them all and told hubby I was ready to leave.

And after we left, I burst into tears. I felt like my old self again. The one that I have tried so hard to leave behind. I tried to put myself out there and participate in something slightly athletic and left feeling like a total loser. The guy obviously judged me from the moment I showed up to play. Middle school all over again.

I guess it just amazes me that after all of these years, some *** can show up and say some rude comment and bring me right back to that place. I hate that. But it’s my past. It’s my history. I have to accept that there will be times that I am going to be put right back into my old shoes again.

And nobody knows what I have been through. Sometimes I don’t think I understand the impact that those things had on me as a kid, but I’m starting to realize that those things were the source of so many of my self esteem and food issues that I have today. And understanding that helps me deal with issues like this a little bit better.

The lesson I took out of this is to treat everyone with kindness. I don’t know where they’ve been or what experiences they’ve been through. Unkind words serve absolutely no purpose. We don’t see the whole picture. We will never be able to. So we have to choose our words wisely because we don’t know how we might affect another.

Oh, and this song pretty much sums up how I feel. Sorry for the rambling, but I just had to get this off my chest. I had my feelings hurt big time tonight, something that hasn’t happened in years.



  1. I am sure the jerk was super insecure-otherwise he'd have been up front instead of in the back harassing you. Anyway-I know you are wonderful and athletic and some loser is not going to derail your journey.

  2. Jerks like that just make a push harder! However, I wouldn't have been as nice as you. I would have said something or punched him in the nuts (seriously) lol
    I would have left in tears as well but like I said jerks like that make me strive for more then what you've already accomplished, don't let someone like him get you down. Totally not worth it.

  3. Jerk is right!!! I gave up v-ball years ago. Our problem is, we are not that competitive. Derek and I hv had so many arguments about that over the years. He of course is very when it comes to sports. I'm not going to dive, break a nail, jam a finger or do the splits to play v-ball with family lol. Good job getting out there. Brush it off. :)

  4. I know how this made you feel. It does seem as if you could have a friendly game without being treated that way. Unfortunately, there are too many people like this guy around. Too bad someone didn't tell him to lighten up. I like the song you posted. Chin up. :)

  5. Asshole! I'll call him that for you!

  6. That guy was rude and probably not a very happy person. You didn't deserve that at all. Good for you for participating in the game in the first place. It's about having fun, right? Some people just don't get it.

  7. That guy is a total jerk! But more importantly, I felt that you should have stand up for yourself. You should have tell him straight out that he was being rude. And this is afterall, just a game. He should be mature to realized that his words did hurt you. He and his competitive natured have made a victim of his insult.

    SO, you should have stood up for yourself. You are worth more than this! :( I'm sorry, but I feel that you work hard to be where you are. You were there to have fun, not to be made fun of!

    Be strong! Stand up for yourself. If there is a next time, and someone make fun of you, you gotta stand up for yourself and PUT THEM IN THEIR PLACE!!! Because, you are worth fighting for and worth STANDING UP FOR!!!! >:)


    And, i hope you feel better! :)

  8. Karma will come and bite him on the butt for that comment believe me. I totally understand how you felt. Thanks for this post.

  9. We will always encounter jerks in our lives. I try not to let things get to me but I would also be the one crying after I left. I completely know how you felt.

  10. I am sorry this ass hurt your feelings and I would have told him to stick it but that's just me!

  11. What a complete jerk! Good for YOU for pushing yourself to try something new. Do NOT let some d-bag get to you.

    I can relate to your feelings being hurt because I was that girl in gym class that people ignored. Sometimes small comments still get to me (to be honest with you) but I try to brush it off with lots of positive thinking.

  12. I totally feel your pain! I've done so much work on myself in the past year and feel so much better about myself, but it just takes that one person to take you right back to where you started. They don't know what we have been through... they don't understand. Sometimes I wish I could walk around with a picture of my former self taped to my forehead so people can see what I used to look like, just so the world around me can know what I've done to better myself. Keep your head up and keep moving forward, your amazing and should never let anyone let you think otherwise! :)

  13. {{{hugs}} I would have cried too. Those hurt feelings never go away, unfortunately. He was totally in the wrong, but it still hurts.

  14. That guy seriously needs to take a chill pill. It's a family outing Volleyball game not the Olympics! Don't feel too bad. If he wasn't targeting you it woulda been someone else.

  15. Was his name Allen? Sounds like one of my grown nephews! :( I'm sorry that happened to you. That sounds extremely painful and hurtful!

  16. Good grief!!!! What an ass!!!! So much for the idea of a fun, pickup game at a family outing, not the National championships!! Hmph. Sending a big HUG your way Alissa, and a big flip of the middle finger to him. Please know the rest of us see you as a fierce, strong, inspirational woman!!!! Take care.



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