Tuesday, May 8, 2012

I’m Not Giving Up…But I Sure Feel Like It

I just can’t seem to get it together. Last week, my weight was steadily declining every day, which isn’t something I am used to seeing lately! And then this weekend, I overindulged and gained it all back. Now I can’t seem to get myself on track.

I didn’t do TERRIBLY today. But I had an episode of unnecessary snackage and I ate pizza for supper. Not exactly going to help me lose weight.

I like the freedom of eating only when I’m hungry, but I find it very easy to abuse it. But maybe that’s part of the process? Learning to recognize when I am eating for reasons other than hunger so that I am prepared to stop it the next time. It’s very liberating knowing that I can eat whatever I want whenever I want. That there are no foods “off limits.” Maybe this just takes time to learn and I need to keep moving forward.

And then I constantly think I should join WW again, although it’s not something I really want to do. I’ve thought about trying to get a hold of the old WW plan books and just going old school. I think my Mom might still have the books? I’m not sure. That plan seemed to work for me.

All I know is that I am frustrated. I am frustrated with myself. Why do I keep doing this? Around and around. Up and down and up and down. Never constantly forward.

I’ve had too many experiences lately that have reminded me that I want to lose more weight. I don’t want to be obese. I may have lost 80 lbs, but I still have so far to go!! I don’t even look somewhat thin. Heck, a lot of people START their weight loss journey at my weight. The truth is, I have a long ways to go and if I don’t get my butt in gear soon, I’m never going to get there.

But I also can’t seem to find that key. The key that will unlock the secrets to weight loss, to my sticking to plan, and to dedication. I wish there were a magic pill I could take and I’m wake up tomorrow looking like Kim, a finalist from the Biggest Loser. But there’s not.

I don’t want to give up. But do I really believe I can make it to goal? In all honesty, I do not feel like I will ever get to my goal. As of late, that is. It hasn’t always been that way.

I cannot envision it. I can’t see myself at 144 lbs. I can’t imagine myself a beautiful and confident woman. I just don’t see it. And I know I’m not supposed to say that. I know that goes against every piece of motivational wisdom out there.


Maybe that’s the key. Believing in myself. How can I truly envision myself at goal weight? How can I envision myself making healthy choices? How can I envision myself maintaining that?

I need help. I don’t know where to turn. But I know I need help.

For now, I’m going to work on some self talk, self love, and self confidence.

How can I teach myself to believe in myself? That it’s POSSIBLE to become someone I’ve never been before. I’ve been here, at the weight I’m at now, before and I remember it. I remember what it felt like. But I’ve never weighed any less than this.

And the more I think about it. The more I wonder if that’s the key…

My word, I sure hope it is….

But even if it is, how do I learn to believe it so that I can be it?


  1. I believe in you. I believe you can make it through a day. One day turns into two, and so on.

  2. I think you can't eat intuitively and expect to lose weight at first. Intuitive eating is more about learning how to eat and not a diet, so you will have a lot of ups and downs with weight while you learn.

    Don't give up. The alternative to giving up is going back to where you were.

  3. I agree with Lori that intuitive eating just doesn't work for all of us. Today my WW leader took a poll of her maintenance class and asked them how many times they joined WW before they finally made their goal. The answer from most of them was either three or four times.

    I'm NOT saying WW is the answer but trying one more time to lose weight can only be good. Don't give up. :)

  4. I totally agree with the above comments!
    Take it one hour/meal/day at a time. I really do think we just have to keep trying until that click in our minds happens. I do truly believe it's a mind thing!

  5. It's a hard battle. It's not easy,we all struggle with weight loss and even weight maintenence.
    You need accountability. You need someone that you can talk you through the rough patches and encourage you.
    I thought you had that challenge going on with the other blogger?
    What about doing a vision board up,something that you look at everyday.Maybe you should pull that one-lander box out of your closet and put it where you see everyday!
    It might motivate you to see everyday.

  6. I'm realizing that for me, believing in yourself is the most difficult, and most important step in this whole process. I've gained nearly all of my weight back, and as I have been pondering what in the bleep happened, it hit me- I didn't believe I could do it. Even though I was more then half way there, I just didn't believe I could ever be "skinny". So, I sabotaged.

    Please don't do what I did! You CAN get there. You WILL get there. Even if it's just ounces at a time. But I can guarantee you won't if you give up...

    Now I just need to take my own advise, and believe I can undo what I did... ugh ;)


  7. You can SO do this! I totally believe in you. It's mind over matter. One day at a time....One meal at a hour at a time. Just remember "baby steps." Baby Steps are what's going to get us to where we want to be and not only that but give us the tools we need to progress and keep it off. You've got this! Just think, you're 80 pounds closer than you were yesterday. Yay YOU! Bless you on your journey.

    ❀ Paige
    Finding Joy in the Journey

  8. Keep strong. You will get to your goal weight. Just keep your goal in your head constantly. If you have to, put pictures of your goal everywhere you can see it. Maybe this way can help you ... or try self talk. Positive self talk did wonders for me. Do that every morning and every evening in the mirror.

  9. I wish I could tell you where the key is or how to get it, but really all I can tell you is that the key does exist. When you find it, it will be as if a lock clicked open. You won't know you found it - it will just sort of happen, when it does you will be unstoppable. When I started out I could not see myself at my goal of 120. As a matter of fact I couldn't see myself at 120 until this past weeks weigh in. I have only 15 lbs to go - that seems so reachable that I can actually see it. I'm not sure I believed in myself at first either...I started and knew I was only 1/2 assing it and 1/2 isn't enough. You gotta go all out. So I joined a HIIT class at the gym and was in no way prepared for the high intensity - but I stuck with it anyway...because I belonged to something again. Belonging, Accountability - HUGE impactors. Then I thought I should try harder and I had 4 free visits to a personal trainer and decided to hire him. I started running 5K's just to see if I could ever get under 45 minutes!!! I finally did and then...I just kept running! I ran a 1/2 marathon! Me, asthmatic, short legged ME! The girl who failed PE cause she was too lazy to dress out is in the gym nearly 5 days a week... So you see somewhere along the way something "clicked" and I've been pressing forward every since. What I have realized about myself in this process is I love to finish. I always have about 99 different projects going...but crossing that finish line feels so good because then I can say I accomplished it. YOU can too!!! You are going to learn new things about yourself every step of this journey and one day you are going to find something that just makes you tick and then that lock is going to click open and the smile on your face is going to be incredible! Belive in YOU, Find a group/place to Belong, Get an Accountablity partner, and most of all SMILE & HAVE FUN! Stop stressing, you will beat this. You have it within you to do so. I'll be praying for you.

  10. One day at a time, Alissa. Some of the days will make you move toward your goal and some will make you move away from the goal, but just make more of them toward the goal. You can do it! Don't look at 144lb, that might be too far down the road. How about if you went on the 2 pound diet? Just 2 pounds. You can do that (and then do it again;) I'm rooting for you!!!!!

  11. Keep your head up!
    I tagged you in a post tonight!

  12. I have found when I have a HUGE goal in front of me, looking at the end result can be so over wheeling and so far out of my comfort zone that I just mentally shut down. Instead, breaking it up into more manageable goals doesn't seem as scary.
    Quit focusing on 144 and instead focus on 200. When you get close (but not quite there yet) shift your focus to 190. Take small, less intimidating baby steps.
    And I agree with the above posters - when I first started dabbling with intuitive eating, I gained 25 pounds, but I learned A LOT in the process. I wouldn't recommend intuitive eating to someone until they were closer to goal. Right now, the ups and downs of intuitive eating sound like they may be toouch for you to handle.

  13. This rings familiar. Maybe it's just putting one foot in front of the other - even when you can't see the destination, even when it's dark, when you don't feel like it. One foot one day at a time with lots of prayer.

  14. This rings familiar. Maybe it's just putting one foot in front of the other - even when you can't see the destination, even when it's dark, when you don't feel like it. One foot one day at a time with lots of prayer.



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...