Saturday, June 9, 2012

Avoiding Blogging: Inside my Head

I haven’t been blogging as regularly as I’d like and it’s because I don’t feel like I am worth reading about anymore. I am struggling. I’m not conquering this weight loss thing, just merely maintaining for the most part.

So here’s what I’m thinking:

What do I have to share? I obviously don’t have the secrets to weight loss.

Everyone will be wondering why I’m even blogging about my weight loss if I can’t seem to lose any weight.

Hypocrite, that’s what you are. Keep saying you’re back on track and going to do really well and all you do is slip up all the time.

Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist and figure out what’s wrong inside my head. Why can’t I control myself like I used to?

I’m not 100% happy with where I am today, but I can fit into cute clothes and shop at most stores now. I can be sort of happy with myself, can’t I?

Am I only loveable if I lose weight? Am I a failure at life if I don’t? Why can’t I just be happy with who I am, NOW?

I’m tired of putting off life for when I lose weight. I want to live now. Except many of the things I want to do, I can’t do because I’m too overweight and not physically fit enough…yet.

I just want to be accepted for me. Fat or Thin.

But mostly I want to be thin and I can’t figure out why it’s so hard for me to control myself and restrict my calories like I’m supposed to.

I have been tracking, and everyday I have gotten in at least 3 servings of fruits/veggies, drank over 64 oz. of water, taken a multi-vitamin, and I exercised for 30 minutes 6 of the 7 days. But counting calories, I think I had about 3 good days. After that, I went over. Healthy habits aren’t good enough if I can’t control my calorie intake.

Why am I even on here telling people about this. They’re just going to click off the page and think… she needs to get it together. Simple as that.

Ugh. Embarrassing.

Why is this so hard? Why wasn’t I born thin? Why isn’t there a magic pill? Why can’t I be like ____________?

So there ya have it. That’s what’s going on in my head right now. I’m not sticking to my calorie goal very well. Last week, I lost .1 for the week. That’s not very much. But this morning I had a big loss, which means I have lost 1.8 lbs. for this competition that started 1 week and 1 day ago. So I guess that’s not terrible. I just know deep down I’m not going to see losses on the scale if I continue as I am right now.

Maybe I should just be proud of what I have done, lost 1.8 lbs., and use that as motivation to do better today.

I can’t be the only one who struggles with this. So I guess I can blog about this part of the journey too. Struggles and successes, all part of the journey. I will try to blog more regularly. It’s probably important to get my thoughts out there. Sometimes I just can’t bare to think of the… “If you would stop eating this, or start eating this, or follow WW…” Truth is, what works for one doesn’t work for another. I’m just trying to figure out how to get inside my own head and figure out what’s going on up there. Kind of strange since it’s my own head I’m trying to get into. Shouldn’t I know myself better than this?

Until next time.

13 comments:

  1. You are not alone. I see this a lot when people lose a significant amount of weight (80 to 100 pounds) and manage to maintain it but then struggle to lose more.

    The closer you get to your goal, the slower the weight loss usually is and that is frustrating. Sometimes, because we get frustrated, we eat more. It can be a vicious circle. In the end, each of us will have to decide what is most important to us.

    Good luck as you continue on your journey to being more healthy. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I struggle every single day! I have impulse eating, over eating and a sweet/carb tooth. My calorie intake is what is killing me too! I wish I knew the answer, I am sorry I don't! Hang in there, this too shall pass!

    ReplyDelete
  3. A while back you talked about getting rid of all processed foods and trying to go towards a more whole foods diet.
    Have you given this anymore thought? It's been proven that the processed sugars (which have so many different names) and preservatives are as addictive as cocaine.
    About two months ago my husband and I decided to give the Paleo Diet a try. We were skeptical and took it on only because there was a challenge at our gym. It has changed our lives! We no longer crave the sugar, we're not even tempted by the things we used to have not control around. My husband lost 20 lbs in six weeks!!
    Now, I know a lot of people that follow the Paleo Diet can get a little dogmatic about it, but I'm the first person to tell you that I believe there is no single diet that is right for every person. However, you seem to be lost in this cycle and are having a hard time breaking out of it.
    Why not try something completely different, completely out of the norm. Completely out of your comfort zone? Just a thought.
    Another thought, if you aren't willing to go that extreme just yet, have you checked into "The Zone" diet? That's what I started with and is amazing. It's only as extreme or as restrictive as you chose to let it be.
    Good Luck, whatever you decide!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I struggle every day. I know what I need to do but I have trouble getting myself there.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Girl we all struggle. If someone tells you different, they're lying! The point is that you keep coming back, you keep pushing yourself and you don't want to quit because if you wanted to you would have done so already, right? RIGHT! So you keep hanging in there. You can do this & we are all here to listen & give advice.

    ReplyDelete
  6. We are not made to be perfect. We're made to be whole. This is your journey -- for better or worse. I've never read you say, 'Do what I do'. You're not saying THIS is the secret. Don't short change your story because you don't think it's worthy. It is and you are. Hang in there, Alissa!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Each person's journey is different. Stalling out is common, though. That means that something has to change. Talking with a therapist might be a good idea to see what are the triggers that are causing you to overeat.

    When you don't feel like blogging is the time you should be blogging the most, because it means you need support. You don't have to be an inspiration all the time. Take advantage of the online support to get the support *you* need. Honestly, it's like this trying to maintain as well. When you get to goal, things don't change, so you have to work through these things now.

    ReplyDelete
  8. The fact that you've maintained for so long is actually a really good sign. Now your body is telling you that you're going to have to mix it up to keep losing. I know you're adamant about moderation but there may be some things that have to go (for a little while) or maybe some things that need to be introduced. Or it's gotten used to your workout so you may have to mix it up. But the fact that you're not gaining is an awesome thing. I'm a nutritionist. You have my email. Email me your food log if you want ideas! Happy to help! You can do this.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think you are just very normal and I am glad that you share your struggles as well as your success! We all go through it! I agree with Kristin (above) it may be time to shake up your diet. and remember..you are living a healthy life style..take it one day at a time!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I struggle too. You are 20 something,I am 39 and my life is up and down a lot with tons of stressors. All I can do is my best and if I screw up, try harder the next day. You are way healthier than you used to be, you are changing how many years you will live by making the changes you have and exercising like you do. Think about it that way!

    ReplyDelete
  11. People don't read your blog because you have the magic answer to weight loss - they read it because you are honest, thoughtful and insightful. At least that's why I read! It's inspiring to read about you going after your goals each day and showing that not getting what you desire right away doesn't mean it's not worth working for.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Stay in the game, Alissa. Your day will come.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I think we all slip up, and maybe some just don't admit it. :)

    You will get there, and you have been doing an awesome job in my opinion!

    Shannon
    http://www.irunreadteach.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete