I haven’t been blogging as regularly as I’d like and it’s because I don’t feel like I am worth reading about anymore. I am struggling. I’m not conquering this weight loss thing, just merely maintaining for the most part.
So here’s what I’m thinking:
What do I have to share? I obviously don’t have the secrets to weight loss.
Everyone will be wondering why I’m even blogging about my weight loss if I can’t seem to lose any weight.
Hypocrite, that’s what you are. Keep saying you’re back on track and going to do really well and all you do is slip up all the time.
Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist and figure out what’s wrong inside my head. Why can’t I control myself like I used to?
I’m not 100% happy with where I am today, but I can fit into cute clothes and shop at most stores now. I can be sort of happy with myself, can’t I?
Am I only loveable if I lose weight? Am I a failure at life if I don’t? Why can’t I just be happy with who I am, NOW?
I’m tired of putting off life for when I lose weight. I want to live now. Except many of the things I want to do, I can’t do because I’m too overweight and not physically fit enough…yet.
I just want to be accepted for me. Fat or Thin.
But mostly I want to be thin and I can’t figure out why it’s so hard for me to control myself and restrict my calories like I’m supposed to.
I have been tracking, and everyday I have gotten in at least 3 servings of fruits/veggies, drank over 64 oz. of water, taken a multi-vitamin, and I exercised for 30 minutes 6 of the 7 days. But counting calories, I think I had about 3 good days. After that, I went over. Healthy habits aren’t good enough if I can’t control my calorie intake.
Why am I even on here telling people about this. They’re just going to click off the page and think… she needs to get it together. Simple as that.
Why is this so hard? Why wasn’t I born thin? Why isn’t there a magic pill? Why can’t I be like ____________?
So there ya have it. That’s what’s going on in my head right now. I’m not sticking to my calorie goal very well. Last week, I lost .1 for the week. That’s not very much. But this morning I had a big loss, which means I have lost 1.8 lbs. for this competition that started 1 week and 1 day ago. So I guess that’s not terrible. I just know deep down I’m not going to see losses on the scale if I continue as I am right now.
Maybe I should just be proud of what I have done, lost 1.8 lbs., and use that as motivation to do better today.
I can’t be the only one who struggles with this. So I guess I can blog about this part of the journey too. Struggles and successes, all part of the journey. I will try to blog more regularly. It’s probably important to get my thoughts out there. Sometimes I just can’t bare to think of the… “If you would stop eating this, or start eating this, or follow WW…” Truth is, what works for one doesn’t work for another. I’m just trying to figure out how to get inside my own head and figure out what’s going on up there. Kind of strange since it’s my own head I’m trying to get into. Shouldn’t I know myself better than this?
Until next time.