Friday, September 7, 2012

By the time I’m 30…

Yesterday, I was looking at some blogs of people who had lost over 100 lbs. in just a couple of years and it made me feel bad about myself.

I know, it should motivate me…and it does!

I started thinking, if they can do it, why can’t I? Where is this disconnect for ME, that other people seem to be doing ok with.

I know it’s totally mental for me. There’s no question about that now. Something hasn’t been clicking for me. I started this journey in 2008. Next month, it will have been 4 years. It’s hard to believe it has been that long! And yet I’ve only lost a little over 70 lbs. Shouldn’t I be at goal by now?

I told my husband about my concerns and he stopped me in my tracks and said, “I don’t want to hear any more of that attitude from you ever again. You are a success, so don’t even go there. Everyone is different.”

Ok, he’s right. I am a success. But why is it seemingly easier for some people than for others. Not that losing weight is EASY for anyone…but you know what I mean. 

How does it feel to have put myself out here with this blog and have come to a weight loss stand still, actually having gained a few lbs. this year? I feel pretty darn embarrassed. I am ashamed that I am struggling so much. But I think that you bloggies understand me.

It makes me sad that a lot of the bloggers and those who used to be so supportive on my journey are gone now. Whether they gave up the fight, reached goal and no longer needed to blog, or stopped reading my blog because I’m not being very motivational anymore, I don’t know. I realized that many blogs I used to follow have become nonexistent.

If you read my blog and don’t see me commenting on yours…please leave me a link to your blog in the comments. I have had some issues with blogger, so all of the blogs I “follow” don’t show up on my sidebar anymore, but I do follow them in a different reader by subscription. It’s time I build my blogger support system again. I want to read about your journey, because that has always helped me SO much!!

I know this post may seem like a debbie downer, but I’m actually doing really well! I lost another pound this morning and I actually had points left over last night. Hubby and I went on a 42 minute walk, and I’m feeling motivated to stick to my points. The exercise thing continues to be a daily battle for me, but I have worked out the past couple of days—even if it’s just a walk.

So, I haven’t given up the fight. But I wonder how many people think I have because of my struggle or because I’ve gained a few lbs. I really haven’t given up. Life seems different these days. I’m not the 23 year old I was when I started this blog. I’m going to be 27 this year and I feel a little more like a responsible woman rather than a 20 year old student. And I’m just trying to get used to what it’s like. And in a few years, I will transition again—into a mother. I need to make these health goals a reality and learn to stick with them. They’re not an option, but habits I MUST learn. Am I making sense?

This is my life. It will be what I make it. And I want to be more than what I am now…in the physical sense AND the emotional sense. I WILL be a thin and beautiful woman, inside and out, by 30. By the time I’m 30, I want these goals I’m struggling with now to be formed into habits. I want them to be natural to me by the time I’m 30.

And I’m working on that right now… one day at a time. One choice at a time.

For me, the biggest struggle is staying mindful.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts—I know they’re jumbled!!


  1. You've done great so far, 70 lbs is no small feat! Just keep going. And, come visit me at my blog too. We'll motivate each other. ;-)

  2. What a thoughtful and necessary post! I think it's hard sometimes to write what we are feeling, so I applaud your courage.

    As the commenter above me said, 70lbs isn't small potatoes, and it's something to be proud of. You'll work through your slump, and get back on the horse. I feel as though weight loss, for me at least, is just as much mental as physical, and mental is where I lose it. With that being said, it's awesome to have the support system blogging provides (as I am now finding out), and I hope it comes through for you! I know I will be here to cheer you on!

  3. Six years ago, losing 35 pounds was a breeze for me. Now, I've spent a year and a half losing 21 pounds and regaining some of that. :( I don't get it. It doesn't seem fair. I really WANT to lose weight, but it's like life gets in the way. LOL Not sure if that makes sense. But at least you've lost and maintained 70, regardless of the pounds you did gain back. I couldn't even maintain 21 for a full year! Sheesh. Not quitting is saying a lot. Just keep going. Life does change, which changes how we deal with things. I keep telling myself it'll all work out in the end!

  4. I agree with Staci. Maintaining 70lbs is nothing to sneeze at. I lost over 100lbs 3 years ago, only to regain 55 of it, lose 40 of that, then gain 58. Now here I am again. I have lost 70 lbs, I'm essentially at goal (3 lbs away), so now I need to keep it up. I wish I could have maintained the kind of loss you have. You can do this.

  5. You know what I think is awesome? That you have stayed consistent with blogging for as long as you have. That's impressive to me! Those stories should certainly not depress you - they are inspiring, but so are you!!!

  6. I totally hear you. I never made it to my heart's goal, even though I have kept off what I did lose. It is disheartening to see many people lose fast. Sometimes they 'get back on track', cut carbs and lose 6 pounds in 1 week. *that* is depressing because even if I cut carbs that doesn't happen for me. We are all different.

    I think it says something that you have not given up. There are a lot of people who stall with weight loss (or maintain before goal, as I like to say) and they just give up and regain because of the frustration of that.

  7. I totally agree that everyone journey is different. Be proud of the 70 pounds you lost and be more proud of the different person you are now. You have changed your life around you aren't that same person.
    You are doing great!

  8. You know what motivates me?? People who never give up! That's YOU!!

  9. I'm just going to say 2 things (which you already know). 1) We are our own worst enemy. 2) Failing=giving up.

    I don't see anyone giving up around here. :)

    Stay focused. What happened 5 minutes ago doesn't matter any longer. It's the next minute that counts. :)

  10. You made total sense and I completely understand. I'm in the same boat - I want to be at goal and maintain by the time I'm 30 (I'm 27 also). It's a constant struggle and it's hard, but keep your head up. And don't feel like what you've already accomplished doesn't mean anything because it does! 70 pounds is huge, and it's more than 10 pounds! Heck, it's more than 69 pounds too! Just because you have a little more to go doesn't mean you've failed. You'll get there - have patience and learn to forgive yourself when necessary. Keep your head up!

  11. I read your blog all the time, but I haven't been commenting as much because I didn't think you cared that I visited to be completely honest (no response to my comments and no comments on my blog either) I think 70 lbs is AMAZING. End of Story. So what if it's not 100. Not all of us are meant to lose 100, including me! You look awesome and weight will fluctuate a little since life fluctuates alot. Be Proud of what you have accomplished, be Proud of the weight lost, and see that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! :)

  12. Hi Alyssa, I'm one of those bloggers! I still log on and read every once in a while.. I'm so on the same page as you this year!!! Gained a few lbs too and I beat myself up about it more than I should I know. But I should be at goal my now and I hate it!!! But you're wrong, you ARE motivating, you never give up and keep blogging, this is why I come back to check on you. We have to do this. I'm determined to come back from this and finish this year with a weight loss bang! :D

  13. I love your hubby's comments. I see you as a success, a motivation and an inspiration Alissa. I know at times you don't see yourself as that, but trust me, you are!!! Hugs.

  14. For me its a very mental challenge!! I KNOW what to do, I just dont do it!! My husband recently lost 75 lbs in 6 months, its taken me 3 years to lose that!!! Im not giving up!!
    I just gotta get my head in the 'game' life!!!

  15. Your husband is right - you are a success! You lost 70 lbs, not gained, lost! You should be proud of yourself! I know I would be :) Everyone has their own pace of life and losing weight so that's why your period of reaching the goal weight might be longer or shorter than someone else's. Good luck!
    P.S. I do too have a weight loss blog (, only it's on tumblr platform so I can't sign up with that ID here and comment, but I always always read your posts on my Google Reader :)

  16. I am very impressed by "just " 70 lbs!

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