Friday, January 18, 2013

Self Confidence and other things

Today I wanted to talk about self confidence—very briefly.

I have noticed that a friend of mine has incredibly low self esteem. I used to be the same way that she is and it absolutely breaks my heart.

There seems to be a pattern of negative talk. Putting herself down all the time. I hope that she is able to see how this is completely unhealthy for her. When she starts to say things like that, I stop her in her tracks and say—stop the negative talk, it’s all in what you perceive, not factual.

I see my prior self in her and it made me realize how far I’ve come. There were moments as a teenager where I would just cry. I would cry about everything. I bet my family remembers this. I would cry because I was absolutely miserable inside. I hated myself.

I have realized that since starting this journey in 2008, I have been my own “therapist” of sorts. I have seriously thought about all of the things that have made me the way that I am. I acknowledged the hurt I felt growing up. I realized that THEY WEREN’T RIGHT. And that epiphany is really what brought me to where I am today. If they weren’t right, then I am whatever I want to be. That’s empowering.

Some people find their self-confidence no matter what weight they’re at. For me, my real self was not a 288 lb. girl. I was in misery. It took finding my self worth and making a change.

I see where I’m at right now as just another step along that road. My next battle is one I have not quite figured out yet. I mull it over and I haven’t found the answer—but I will. These things take time. It took me four years to figure out that “they weren’t right”.

After working on a project with a co-worker for the past few months, I expressed some feelings of frustration with my co-worker. Her response was that I was a perfectionist.

That’s my biggest struggle. I am a perfectionist when it comes to anything “performance” based, if you will. Work, school, those kinds of things. And I think even my weight loss. I expect SO MUCH out of myself, that when I don’t meet those expectations, I am incredibly disappointed in myself.

Sometimes I find myself in fits of worry. Thinking about these things that I need to accomplish (perfectly) in my mind. Over and Over and Over again. I have to tell myself, “it’s ok Alissa, you’ll be just fine”. Positive self talk seems to help. But otherwise I am drowned out with “I don’t know if I can do this”, “I’m not good enough at this”, “So and so would probably do it better”. Over and Over.

I think this is another part of the self-confidence issue. Believing in myself. I have come so far and I am a different person because of it. But I still have farther to go. Before I can overcome it, I need to figure out WHY I am like this. That will take some time. For now, the key has been positive self talk. Reaffirming that I am ok. Hubby has learned to tell me that too, in those moments where I am stressing out. It really works.

Sorry this post is just rambling today. It’s just a free flow from my mind, so thanks for sticking with me!

Have you experienced these kinds of issues? How did you work through them?


  1. Every day. I am the hardest on myself. I tend to compare myself to everyone else and always fall short. I wish I had an answer...

  2. I, too, struggle with self confidence, & thank you for posting this. I think a lot of people struggle and don't even realize it - that was me for about 5 years. I thought it was "normal." I wrote about my experiences on my blog's "About Me" page, so I won't repost them here!

    I STILL struggle. Every day is a challenge. Positive self talk definitely works for me, too - but it's hard to actually do and believe myself when I say it.

    To get negative thoughts out of my head, I practice writing a lot, too. Just getting it all out, so it's on paper and not in my head. Then, once in a while, I take all those papers with my negative thoughts, walk down the beach, and put them in the ocean (sorry sea creatures). It's so therapeutic.

  3. I am a perfectionist in a lot of areas, too. I'm A, B, C, but if B doesn't go perfectly I feel like I should ditch A and C and just not try at all. In reality, just doing A and C (or even just A) is better than not doing any of the three! Does any of this make sense? Lol I have situations where I feel completely comfortable in my atmosphere. But others, like where I'll go today, there are people that I notice I feel very nervous around. I start explaining things away, things about myself - why my clothes aren't perfect, my hair looks bad today, why I'm crappy at makeup or bite my nails. Ugh. Why do certain people intimidate me and make me feel the need to explain? So I just go on talking to myself, too. LOL Wow... talk about rambling. :)

  4. Yes, negative thinking becomes a habit. Really, any thinking can become a habit. It takes conscious effort to speak differently to yourself, but it sure does make a difference. I know it did for me.

  5. Its funny, being kind to myself is much harder than it is to be kind to others. A friend of mine recently said "speak to yourself the way you speak to me". Made a ton of sense and I'm trying harder to be kinder and more forgiving of myself. Have a wonderful weekend Alissa.

  6. I've definitely struggled with the "I'm not good enough" thoughts repeating through my head. It sucks and its hard to get out of sometimes. But that's when you need to surround yourself with good, supportive people and tell yourself that you are great, beautiful and strong. Thanks for such an honest post.

  7. I still have negative thinking but I have been working on it with some help and I'm in a lot better place in my head than I used to be!



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