Tuesday, May 21, 2013

A reason, a season, or a lifetime

There is a popular saying that states, “People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”, and I think there is truth to that.

There are those who come into your life and make you a better person. When they are around, you become the person that you want to be. You become a better person just because they love you, or maybe because they are kind, thoughtful and always thankful. These are the kind of people that you, hopefully, will keep around for a lifetime. It doesn’t mean that these relationships come without work, but if you put your all into the relationship, it will last a lifetime.

There are those that come into our lives for a season. To me, these are the people that I grew up with. Maybe those I even considered my best friends in elementary school through high school. Some of those memories are sweet and others are bitter, but their moments in my life are for a reason.

I think everyone comes into our lives for a reason. There is a lesson in every single relationship. In retrospect, those memories that seem bitter to me are the ones that really molded me into much of who I am today. There are many relationships that have taught me how I want to be, and many relationships that taught me what I don’t want to be, how I never want to treat others, and how I never want to act.

I have to honestly say that I have a few people in my life that somehow affect me deep down to the core and make me become the kind of person that I don’t want to be. When they are around I become angry, resentful, and petty. They make me want to ball up my fists and scream in frustration. They are often the people that affect me in such a way that  leaves me emotionally exhausted. 

And it’s not their fault, it’s mine. Sure, some people are jerks—but that doesn’t make it ok for me to act like a jerk too. In fact, it means the opposite. I should learn from their actions, the way they speak to me, and they way they treat me—and do just the opposite. If I approach this differently, the reason they come into my life can make me a better person. If I stoop to their ways, in no way am I winning the battle—in fact, I’ve lost.

This is a huge struggle of mine. I hate who I become when I am around certain people, but I allow myself to become that person. Should I take a few deep breaths? Silently say a prayer? Mostly, I want to separate myself from them, but that’s not always a possibility. I have to learn to change my attitude to overcome the situation.

What I know for sure is that I cannot allow myself to let my relationship with these people mold me into a bitter, angry, and resentful person—the world has far too many people like this. And besides, if I allow myself to become someone that I don’t want to be, I am going to affect others when I enter their lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime—and it is my mission to bring love, joy, and kindness to everyone I come in contact with. Will I fail sometimes? I probably will—but I believe if I make it my goal and pray without ceasing about it, that I can have victory.

Do you have people in your life that you struggle to maintain your composure with? How do you deal with it?


  1. Oh boy. Sadly, it's my own mother who brings out the worst in me. She pushes me to the point of bringing out my anger. She does it so subtly and then I just explode, tired of her pushing. I always look so forward to going to visit my parents or my parents coming here, but every time that visit is over I end up having a conversation with my husband about how I don't want to be anything like my mom! And he agrees that he doesn't want me to be. :( Stress also brings out the worst in me. It makes me hectic and rushed and agitated. I've really not yet figured out how to deal with it, except through prayer like you were saying. Usually, I get somewhere alone where I can pray out loud for a minute or two. For me, this allows me to vent my frustrations out loud AND to talk to the Lord about the problem. It calms me in a twofold way. Other times, I just let the situation get the best of me.

  2. My brother and my father in law are two people that I have strained relationships for good reasons. I deal with them by avoiding them, even when we are in the same room I avoid them. I know I have to figure out a better way to be around them.

  3. I don't speak to my mom anymore for the reasons you talked about - as sad as it is to not have a relationship it has been so much healthier for me. When I first had kids, I tried to maintain a relationship so that my boys would experience the same type of amazing relationship with their grandparents that I did but when my mom started treating the boys the way she had always treated me (yelling, telling them that the things they do are wrong or much more) I had to put an end to it.
    I hope that you are able to work through those relationships or end them if necessary!!

  4. I think most can relate. Sadly, the main person who pushes my buttons is related to me. Luckily, our paths rarely cross...and though sad in a way (we were fine for many years) I've realized its ok to let people go, and surround myself with people who don't push my buttons and accept me for who I am. I also accept the relative for who they are, but choose not to let their toxicity rub off on me.



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