Tuesday, February 17, 2015

It’s that feeling

This might sound kind of weird, but sometimes I wish I could just close my eyes and be at complete and utter peace. I don’t mean that in a morbid way at all, more like I wish I could just go to sleep and be in complete silence—no thoughts, no worries, no hurt, no responsibility, completely safe, completely healthy, with just the quiet sound of my breath rising and falling.

It’s that feeling.

When I have tried to describe this feeling, I imagine myself completely submerged in warm water. There’s that underwater sound where everything is muffled and you can’t really make out anything. It’s quiet, but very much alive. I’d like to be in that moment and hit pause. I’d feel that blending of stillness and unstoppable movement. I’d hear that quiet noise. Eyes squeezed shut so that I only hear the silence and only feel the warmth. And then, after that brief moment, I’d find this innate strength to push off of the bottom with my feet and break the barrier where the water meets the air and take that big gulp of air, feel the air meet my skin, open my eyes and be momentarily blinded by the brightness of the sun reflecting off of the water on my eye lashes-- and feel very much alive.

It’s that feeling.

Sometimes I think back to a trip to Mexico and I remember the best nap of my entire life. It was warm and sunny and there was a sea-kissed breeze. I could hear the sea splashing on the sand. I sat under the shade of a palm tree. The love of my life was by my side and I felt safe and secure. And I slept. And I woke up refreshed, alive, and happy.

It’s that feeling.

6 comments:

  1. I'm glad to hear you have reached out for help. It definitely sounds like you are dealing with some serious bouts of anxiety and/or depression that are making living life difficult. I hope you are able to find the relief & peace you are seeking soon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I always LOVED putting my head completely in the water as a child in the bathtub. I loved the muffled sound. I can imagine if I ever went to Mexico, I would totally remember the wondrous feeling! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh yes girl I know that feeling.....although, I felt a new kind of peace today after watching the news last night. I feel so sorry for all the innocent lives in Libya, Egypt etc....that have to share roadways with tanks, guys in masks, carrying rifles and or machine guns....not knowing if they will be shot or a loved one whisked away to an unknown end.

    I truly feel blessed with all I have and I really took in the moments throughout the day to think of how LUCKY I am and we all are simply by being born in a place where our differences are accepted and allowed.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I need a nap right now and a pool wouldn't hurt either...

    ReplyDelete
  5. I need a nap right now and a pool wouldn't hurt either...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I like to do that in the shower, and I totally get what you mean!

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...