Monday, April 13, 2015

#Postpartumdepression Rearing its Ugly Head & Health Update

Postpartum Depression: A bit of a Relapse

On Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I kind of lost my energy streak. I felt exhausted and noticed my thinking start to revert back to my postpartum depression ways where I would be worrying about things that I didn’t need to worry about, even in the middle of the night. (we’re talking about things that happened in elementary school here…)

I ended up doing a lot of napping when baby napped, which is when I would normally use that time to get in some steps or do things around the house, etc. I took 2 hour naps all three days—I really seemed to need it!

Sunday was a big day for me and the first time in probably a month that I got out of the house to go to our church meeting. I was very anxious in the morning and even though I wanted to brave it without any help, I went ahead and took a fast-acting pill for anxiety. That seemed to kind of mute my anxiety a bit.

I made it through about 3/4 of the 2 hours and I started to feel completely exhausted. I had taken baby girl out and I was just pushing her around in the stroller a bit and trying to keep her quiet. My hubby and I have a system where he keeps his cell phone handy so if I need him I can text him—so I thought I would text him and maybe he could watch baby and I could sit and listen since I felt so worn out.

So he gladly came out and took care of baby and I went and sat down to listen. I sat there about 2 minutes before I just started crying. I think I was just holding it all in and when I had a moment to relax, it just all came out—all of the physical pressure I was feeling inside from the anxiety, all of the stress, etc. I quickly left the room before I started crying too much because I can’t seem to cry quietly and always end up snorting or something. lol

I found hubby and he comforted me and I told him I just had to go. I was done for. Completely drained and I couldn’t do it anymore. The thing is, I really don’t know exactly what triggers it. I think it’s definitely a social anxiety, but I didn’t have to interact with a single person. There’s something about being in the same room with a bunch of people that just completely overwhelms me and it doesn’t make any logical sense—it’s just the way my body is reacting. I had all of the symptoms: chest pain, tingly arms, feeling shaky (and physically shaking a little), etc. I thought I was done with all of that!!! Turns out, I had just been avoiding true social events that are my biggest triggers.

My sister pointed out that this is my only real “social” type activity and that’s why I am struggling with it so much. That does make sense and makes me feel a lot better. I want so much to be there and I know it’s not my faith that’s wavering at all. It just makes me sad that I’m going through this—but I’m not going to let it conquer me. I know that God understands and I am so thankful for that.

Weight Watchers & Steps Update

Needless to say, I didn’t meet my step goal any day this weekend. When I first began this journey again, I told myself that I would be having these days and that when I did—I needed to rest and be ok with that. It’s easy to want to throw in the towel when you don’t meet your goals, but I think it’s important that I cut myself some slack and understand that what my mind & body needed was to rest. So It’s all ok and I am not a failure.

Not all of my steps were counted because I didn’t have a pocket when I was pushing the stroller on Sunday—bummer!

I am proud of myself on the eating front. I did very well. I really, really, really wanted to eat a bunch of chocolate to try to make myself feel better (emotional eating). BUT, I didn’t. I had a single serving of chocolate and that was it. No going crazy. I realized I was tired and worn out, so I slept instead of bingeing on chocolate. That’s a NSV for sure.

However, since we had dinner at hubby’s parent’s house, I did end up using some weeklies. I’m ok with that. It was a delicious meal and I enjoyed all of it.

Ultimately, I feel like I’m still on track and going strong! I am feeling much better this morning. The weather is beautiful and I can’t wait to get outside to go for a walk and to push baby girl in her new swing.

How was your weekend?

6 comments:

  1. I'm just sending a giant electronic hug your way Alissa!!!!

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  2. Today is a new day!! Enjoy your outside time!!!

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  3. Not talking about the anxiety part of it here, but I notice since my babies there are times of the month when I just feel drained completely... or my PMS is way worse when it's time for it. I have just recently linked my complete sluggishness (I'm talking 'Sorry I didn't cook dinner; I don't want to grocery shop; No, your clothes aren't clean') to just a few days before TOM. I never had that before! I just want to sleep and sleep! It throws hubby off when I go from "me" to Mrs. Sleepy Sluggish Head. Lol But now I've linked it. I just have to tell him I'm so sorry and I CAN NOT control it. I can't! I want to do stuff, not lay around! But for whatever reason, like you, I agree that when my body says rest it's fine to rest!

    Sorry you had a relapse. Are there any Mommy and Me classes/activities in your area that would put you in social situations more? Does your church have a nursery where you could hang out with the nursery workers while baby plays and it just eases you into being around people? I dunno. Just trying to think of some things.

    Regardless, you did great with listening to your body EXCEPT when it wanted you to eat loads of chocolate to deal with your issues. :) Yay for you!

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  4. I think a good cry is necessary every now and then. Being a mom is stressful and you are dealing with more than the average, I truly believe you are handling it well. Take care of yourself momma because little one needs you <3! Keeping you in my prayers!

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  5. Dont worry. Relapses are completely normal and natural! Dont beat yourself up. Things will get better :)

    I just had a relapse this weekend after eating a little bit too much sweets and chocolate. I know it doesnt compare but Im back on the health wagon!!!

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  6. Don't stress too much -- I am sure that relapses are normal. I have not been through what you are going through, but I do have anxiety that is triggered by lengthy stress. You just have to take one day at a time.

    I am sure you have mentioned this before but what fitbit do you have?

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