I had a relaxing weekend camping and napping. It was just what I needed and I’m feeling much better today. It was so hot and humid outside that we spent most of our time inside the camper with air conditioning, so I’m not sure you would actually call that camping…! ha
I packed a lot of healthy food for us this time and it definitely made me feel better! However, we went to Chili’s for a meal and I convinced myself to order a salad because it would be better for me but I didn’t look at the points until afterwards! It was 38 points. I just couldn’t believe it. So that pretty much did me in for my points. Lesson learned—look up the points prior to eating!
Anyways, I’m back to counting the points today and hopefully I can undo some of the damage before Friday! Overall, I’m proud of myself for the improvements for most of my food choices—but there’s still room for improvement!
I did a lot of thinking this weekend about my next step. Talking about all of this in therapy has me wondering if my core issue is that I do not respect or love myself enough. Hence, I sabotage myself and make poor choices over and over again.
I think that a great plan of action would be to consider the impact of my choices before making a choice. Instead of thinking “I hate my body. I need to lose weight and because of this I’m going to eat a salad for lunch even though what I really want is sugary cereal”, I will think “Because I love myself and care about my health, I’m going to eat this nutritious salad for lunch because I know it’s what my body needs”. Make sense?
This way of thinking will help me to place value on myself rather than on food. I will learn to love and respect myself more than I love eating cookies. That sounds kind of weird—like I’m a cookie monster or something! But that’s really the choice that I’m making when I choose to overindulge in cookies—I want cookies more than I want to meet my goals and take care of myself.
I’m sure this sounds pretty easy to anyone who does not have issues with disordered eating. I’m starting to learn that maybe this is my problem. I never wanted to admit that I was a binger, but maybe I am. I am continuing to look inward to reach the very core of my issues so I can finally get to the bottom of my weight problems. It’s going to take a lot of work.
Seriously, just today I thought, “eating oatmeal would be something I could do to show love and respect for my body. Nah, I’d rather eat cereal.” So somehow I am going to have to want to meet my goals more than I want to eat or receive whatever comfort I receive from food.
Any tips for me as I attempt this?