I don’t even want to blog about my weigh in today but I have to be honest with myself. It may have been easier back when nobody read my blog! But I’m not giving up, so why not continue to write about my journey?
I gained 3.1 lbs. I know I didn’t eat nearly enough calories to make all of that actual fat gain so I’m sure a portion of that is water weight. I knew I would gain this week.
Starting on Wednesday afternoon, I got insanely tired. This followed feeling the same way on Thursday evening. I lost all ambition and energy and quickly started feeling depressed. Bam. Just like that.
Instead of taking a nap, I started snacking. I got more and more tired until I could hardly even keep my eyes open. When hubby got home, I asked him to stay home with me because I knew I would need help with the little one based on how I was feeling.
It was about 5:30 and I laid down on our bed and I fell fast asleep. When I woke up, I didn’t want to get out of bed—but I did. I managed to give the little one a bath and put her to bed for the night, but I continued to be tired.
For two days, hubby and I didn’t eat a real supper. We just sat down and ate toast. I made sure to get something healthy together for the little one to eat, but I mean it when I say I had absolutely no energy.
I kept trying to make up for it by eating, which seems to be the way I try to deal with everything. I felt guilty eating, but I did it anyways. I wanted to feel better, but of course the food didn’t help.
Yesterday, I found enough energy to get quite a few things done. By the afternoon, I was super tired again. I had to run an errand and I felt like I could fall asleep the entire time. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me, other than the depression.
I have this feeling like something isn’t right, but I have no idea what. What would make me so incredibly tired? Could it just be the depression? I’ve been wondering if my medication has stopped working based on how I’ve been feeling lately. I haven’t gotten back to feeling really good like I did a couple of months ago and it’s interesting to see that’s when my weight loss stopped too.
Anyways, I’m still struggling and I refuse to give up completely. I know I am doing the right thing by seeking professional help via therapy. I just have to conquer whatever it is that causes me to eat. I have to. I can’t keep living like this. I have to love myself enough to believe that change is worth it and overeating is not.