Friday, August 14, 2015

Weigh in Day: Falling Down

Fall down seven times, get up eight

I don’t even want to blog about my weigh in today but I have to be honest with myself. It may have been easier back when nobody read my blog! But I’m not giving up, so why not continue to write about my journey?

I gained 3.1 lbs. I know I didn’t eat nearly enough calories to make all of that actual fat gain so I’m sure a portion of that is water weight. I knew I would gain this week.

Starting on Wednesday afternoon, I got insanely tired. This followed feeling the same way on Thursday evening. I lost all ambition and energy and quickly started feeling depressed. Bam. Just like that.

Instead of taking a nap, I started snacking. I got more and more tired until I could hardly even keep my eyes open. When hubby got home, I asked him to stay home with me because I knew I would need help with the little one based on how I was feeling.

It was about 5:30 and I laid down on our bed and I fell fast asleep. When I woke up, I didn’t want to get out of bed—but I did. I managed to give the little one a bath and put her to bed for the night, but I continued to be tired.

For two days, hubby and I didn’t eat a real supper. We just sat down and ate toast. I made sure to get something healthy together for the little one to eat, but I mean it when I say I had absolutely no energy.

I kept trying to make up for it by eating, which seems to be the way I try to deal with everything. I felt guilty eating, but I did it anyways. I wanted to feel better, but of course the food didn’t help.

Yesterday, I found enough energy to get quite a few things done. By the afternoon, I was super tired again. I had to run an errand and I felt like I could fall asleep the entire time. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me, other than the depression.

I have this feeling like something isn’t right, but I have no idea what. What would make me so incredibly tired? Could it just be the depression? I’ve been wondering if my medication has stopped working based on how I’ve been feeling lately. I haven’t gotten back to feeling really good like I did a couple of months ago and it’s interesting to see that’s when my weight loss stopped too.

Anyways, I’m still struggling and I refuse to give up completely. I know I am doing the right thing by seeking professional help via therapy. I just have to conquer whatever it is that causes me to eat. I have to. I can’t keep living like this. I have to love myself enough to believe that change is worth it and overeating is not.

6 comments:

  1. Doesn't sound like normal tiredness-I'd check in with your doctor because fatigue can be a symptom for all sorts of things!

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  2. https://www.theconnection.tv/second-brain-gut/
    I have been reading more articles to try and figure out my gut....really my GUT has been weird lately and bloated more often...the most I have been getting out of these reads is how EVERYTHING is connected to what we put inside our bodies.

    No Surprise....(let me cry a little here....I want my ice cream and beer AND I don't want to bloat because of it)

    Anyway, our food effects our mood (duh) which effects our mind and thus effects our output and ENERGY. When I eat bad I feel more tired and have less energy...and when I eat better I have more energy...which sucks because I really want energy and the bad food at the same time. ;-(

    Yesterday I missed lunch due to being busy with work and errands when I got home about 4PM I made tacos and ate enough for my entire family. I was feeling about 4 months pregnant after that feeding and what did I do???? Sit for about an hour with the kiddos talking then decided I needed dessert too!! UGH?? REALLY? I DID NOT NEED ANYTHING...right now my tummy is 5 months pregnant...still bloated from last nights binge....why? oh why?

    Thank goodness for a new day!

    Read the article and others on that site ...they are pretty interesting....

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  3. FYI...I AM NOT pregnant....just feels like it!! ha!

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  4. Depression can harvest so many other issues. Pat yourself on the back for getting therapy. I hope you have a great weekend!

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  5. I think you recently had your thyroid checked. Have you had your hemoglobin and hematocrit checked? When my husband's iron was low, he would work and literally crash on the couch as soon as he walked in the door. I would get so mad because I had been home with the kids all day. They would want to see him and he couldn't wake up!!! He thought it was just from working in the heat all day. When we finally had his counts checked, they called back that very night to say take him to the ER if he has any chest pain because it was so low that he was to the point of needing a blood transfusion!

    Also, as far as the meds, I had to have mine upped after about 2 months. My body adjusted and it no longer worked for me. We went up, and it again worked for a while and quit. I knew I didn't want to keep upping a Prozac dose every 2 to 3 months since it can cause weight gain, so that's when I switched over to taking Wellbutrin daily and Prozac as needed. You may need a dose increase or even a complete change of meds.

    I started to email you last night because I have had a rough time with tracking this week. I will start my day tracking and then stop at suppertime. I get so frustrated that I can do well for 2 weeks with something and then start bombing out! I hope you feel better soon and get answers for whatever your issue is!

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  6. If you're concerned that your fatigue is something other than depression, I'd go to a GP and just get all my blood levels checked. It certainly can't hurt to find out. It also sounds like a good idea to have your meds reevaluated.

    Depression truly does suck though. It affects everything, not just your head. It can make your body ache, and make you so exhausted that you just can't get out of bed. I've been struggling for a couple of weeks now too... last night, the house was such a mess but I didn't care... I went to bed as soon as I got the kids into bed at 8.

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