I feel like a blog slacker right now because I can’t think of anything exciting that I want to post about! So I’ll just be blogging random things again today and updating you on my journey in general.
Yesterday, I had an appointment with my therapist. It wasn’t really like a therapy session because she was trying to figure out why I have these quick changes from feeling great to depression. She asked me questions to determine if I’m bipolar, she said it doesn’t sound like I am…and I don’t think I am either. She came to the conclusion that what I am describing is definitely chemically related and that it’s possible that my birth control pills could be affecting it all too, especially because I had some issues with them in the past when I was switched to a generic version.
She believes that my PPD is in remission now and that I have always had anxiety and the PPD and stress of motherhood has caused my anxiety to become severe. Because of my anxiety, I experience relapses of depression that can last a short while or a few weeks. That makes sense to me.
She told me to see an OBGYN as soon as possible to get this all figured out. She said to tell them what was going on and that they would fit me in ASAP. Well, I called to schedule an appointment and it didn’t sound like they were trying to fit me in because the earliest they would see me is October 1st. Bummer. So I guess I’ll keep at this for another month unless my psychiatrist has some insight into this when I see her next week.
My therapist told me to keep reaching out for help and that we would get this all figured out. I sure hope so. I am feeling discouraged, like I am stuck with this version of myself forever.
I have been consulting Dr. Google and have determined that I have a horrible disease. HA—but really, I wonder if I have too much cortisol (stress hormone). I even read somewhere that the buzzing sensation that I describe when I am feeling especially anxious could be caused by cortisol. Not to sound crazy, but sometimes my legs or arms jolt—which I read is another symptom. The symptoms all align, but I am no doctor and neither is Google.
I just really, really, really want this to all be over and to go about my life as “me” again.
In other news, it is super-duper hot today. I took the little one outside to let her play in the sprinkler. Of course she loved it!
That child is going to be the death of me. I was trying to get the sprinkler set up and she’s running away so fast that her shoes literally fell off her feet and it didn’t stop her one bit! So I have to chase after her and then I almost fall down a million times and trip over my flip flops.
I finally got it all set up and she played in it for about 5 minutes…ha.
Also, last night when I was giving her a bath, I put a little bath foam letter in my mouth and blew it out really fast. She thought it was the funniest thing ever and laughed so hard. I’ve never seen her laugh so hard. I caught a video of it and oh my goodness it’s infectious!!
I guess that’s all I have to share for now!