I could feel myself nearing the edge. My patience was beginning to wear thin. I was starting to pick fights with my hubby. Anger and resentment began to surface like little bubbles. Depression loomed ahead—I could see it and physically feel it taking over.
I finally realized that what I really needed was some “me” time. Just a little space and time to myself—to breathe, to think, to just be.
I used to think that taking time for myself was selfish. I still feel a pang of guilt every time I leave for a couple of hours. I’m afraid of judgement—like moms are just supposed to continually give of themselves without rest.
Now I know that me time is essential. If I’m not taking care of myself, it makes it much more difficult to take care of my family. It’s not selfish if it’s making me a better mother, wife, and friend. It’s the “put the oxygen mask on yourself first, before you try to save others” concept.
I try to take a couple of hours per week for myself. This hasn’t happened in quite a few weeks and I hadn’t realized it. I’ve had appointments here and there, but not any real down time when the only person I had to take care of was myself.
Today, I met my friend at the gym and we walked on the treadmill and talked. After that, we both had a quick 10 minute massage. We followed it up with lunch. It was perfect. I felt so much better.
It was the first time I’ve been to the gym since maybe February. Oh my goodness. That’s far too long. I was reminded of how much I enjoy going and how much I need it.
I’m working on making a peaceful place in the back yard where I can sit this summer. I think it will be great during nap times. It is good for the soul to be outside!
So anyways, I am proud of myself for getting to the gym—but I’m trying to focus on the fact that exercise should be about loving myself enough to take care of myself and not some punishment because I am not good enough the way that I am.
My goal is to take care of myself, take time for myself, and get healthy because I love myself. I’ve been asking myself the question, “What would I do in this situation if it were about loving myself and not just an old, bad habit?” It will take time to change my thought process—but I’m working on it!