Friday, April 29, 2016

Motherhood: Time is Passing

It's the end of April already and I feel like we just celebrated the New Year. Where has the time gone? Can it just slow down a little bit?

I am in awe of how fast Little Miss Sunshine has grown. When you're pregnant, everyone always tells you to enjoy it because it goes so fast. You hear it so much that eventually you're doing epic mental eye rolls.

But really, it goes fast.

It's not all sunshine, rainbows, Starbucks, and trips to Target while toting around your adorable little one who immediately falls asleep when you begin shopping--to tell you the truth it's pretty much never like that--but it certainly goes fast and you will find yourself yearning for the time to slow down. Except for when you're up in the middle of night cleaning up your hair.

Little Miss Sunshine has grown from an itty bitty baby who was losing weight during her first few weeks of life... an almost two year old as tall as your typical four year old. She has grown like a weed.

Being a parent is hard. You stress and worry about things you'd never imagine you would worry about.

When I was pregnant, I worried that I wouldn't naturally be a mother since I'd never really been comfortable around babies. I will tell you, without a doubt, that motherly instincts simply kick in. Maybe you don't know how to be a perfect mother (if one ever existed), but you will pour your entire heart and soul into motherhood and that's all that matters.

Sometimes I want to hold the baby version of her again. As a toddler, she doesn't like to sit still for more than a second or two and so those moments have slipped right through my hands.

I've said before that postpartum depression stole such an important part of my life from me. With all of that firmly in my past now, I can look back and still have some precious memories. Even if they are a little tainted with the darkness of depression and anxiety.

I know it sounds cliche, but I wouldn't trade this for the world. She is my little friend--always ready to give a hug or a kiss and to make me laugh. I look forward to learning more about this precious ray of sunshine that has warmed my soul--get to know her personality, her quirks, everything about her because I know I will love her forever.

These days, I find myself saying "no" about a thousand times a day--and some days infinitely more than that. She presses buttons, demands attention, lacks patience like her daddy, and has the temper of her mama.

Her eyes sparkle mischievously. Her quietness in the next room means trouble. Any other time, she never quits jabbering--happy chatter, most of which only she can understand. But her smiles and laughter brighten the room as much as her little tantrums in public cause my face to turn a warm crimson red.

I never expected that a heart could love so much, that my thoughts would constantly be filled with her, or that I'd be so protective of this little life I created with the love of my life.

She is my everything, even though she tries my patience over and over again. I want nothing more than to see her happy and content.

The days are long, but the years are short. 

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