Monday, October 31, 2016

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween! Here is our little Anna-- isn't she the cutest? Not sure why she is so serious! 

Thursday, October 20, 2016

You don't want to miss this!

Disclaimer: I am a Thirty-One consultant-- but I love these products and all opinions are mine alone! 

Ladies! I am so excited because today Thirty-One is having a Birthday Bash sale to celebrate its 13th birthday!

The cool thing is that there will be special throwback prints and products in bundles for 31% off for TODAY ONLY!

I cannot wait to see what they have!

This is a great time to stock up on gifts for the holidays, birthdays, weddings, you name it!

You can shop here! All orders must be placed by 11:59 eastern time!

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Separating my Primal Urges from my Conscious Thought

So I'm thinking that I may need to have a sugar detox next week so that I can get rid of this sugar-crack cravings! They're been pretty bad. I'm sure it's also partly due to hormones, but still. I think it would help me keep on track.

I have noticed some binge like behavior that past few days-- which was my indication that maybe I was trying to be too restrictive with my choices. It's the whole brain chemistry thing-- when we tell ourselves that we can't eat something, it sends our primal brain into action because it thinks we need said food for survival. At that point, it really does become difficult to eat that food in moderation and a binge is more than likely going to happen.

So, I'm taking that knowledge and applying it. Say I really want some carbs for breakfast, but I've told myself that I shouldn't/can't eat them. Today, I tried something different. I ate a protein shake and ate a bagel with butter. Totally satisfied and not too crazy on the points values. I didn't have any cravings.

Compare that to yesterday when I told myself I couldn't have carbs for breakfast and all I could think about all day was eating sweets. And I did end up eating too many of them-- binge behavior, which in the end is completely counterproductive to the goal of losing weight... even though I think restricting is what I "need" to do.

The goal is to be able to listen to my body and know when I truly want to eat something and I'm not just eating it "because". Know what I mean by that? Something comes over my brain and makes me physically want to eat anything sweet and it's really not because I "want" the food-- it's the primal brain kicking in thinking it's helping me survive.

When I started feeling that way, I remembered to tell myself that "I have a choice". Just because the "primal" brain wants me to consume said food does not mean that the logical part of my brain (the real/conscious me) really needs or wants the food. It's like distinguishing between primal instinct (that are misleading) and conscious thought.

It's about progress, not perfection. Which is good because this week has definitely not been perfect!

Monday, October 17, 2016

First Weekend on Weight Watchers

This weekend opened my eyes to how bad my eating habits have gotten! It was definitely no secret that I wasn't eating right-- but tracking what I'm eating has been an eye opener. I have definitely been eating too many carbs and not enough fruits, veggies, and protein. I have been grabbing what's easy.

We went on a short road trip on Saturday and stopped to grab some coffee at McDonalds. When I looked up the points for the latte I ordered, I saw that it was 21 points. TWENTY-ONE! Can you believe that? So that really messed things up for me-- lesson learned!

I have a lot of work to do, but I guess that's the point!

Since my problem is primarily psychological-- I need to be very careful to not be hard on myself. That means giving myself grace when I fumble around in these first couple of weeks as I get used to developing good eating habits again.

Somehow, I've developed this inner voice that is self-depreciating whenever I do not eat "perfectly". It's like playing all of those negative and judgemental blog comments that I used to get in my head over and over.

Something that I learned from my binge eating program was about the repetitive cycle that goes on. Here is a graphic which explains it.

Does this sound familiar? This is exactly why I am trying to give myself grace. I have felt that anxiety building up about not "following the plan" properly. I tell myself that it's ok and that it's what I do 90% of the time that will make the difference. If I dwell on that 10% when I feel like I've "messed up" the plan-- then I will slide backwards.

The goal is to keep my eyes focused on the outcome and what I want to be instead of what I don't want to be!

Friday, October 14, 2016

Day 1: My New Plan

I made it through Day 1!

There were moments throughout the day where I had to remind myself that I didn't have enough points to afford to eat something I wanted. And then I'd find myself realizing I wasn't even hungry, but I was eating for other reasons.

I'm just going to go ahead and tell you that I'm following Weight Watchers SmartPoints-- thanks to a Groupon and an extra coupon code.

I definitely increased my fruit and veggie consumption today and decreased my processed food consumption. I know I'm going to feel a lot better very soon simply for these two reasons alone.

When I got on the scale this morning to see my starting weight, I had actually lost 6 lbs. from my highest weight-- so that was a really good feeling. I'm going to make myself get on the scale regularly so I don't lose my focus and let things get out of control.

My husband doesn't read my blog often, so I think it's safe to go ahead and say that he doesn't know I'm doing Weight Watchers yet. I am terrible at keeping secrets from him so we'll see how long that lasts! I just didn't want to feel the pressure of knowing he is probably thinking "here she goes never works for her". I have told him that today was going to be my first day of getting healthy and he hasn't asked any questions as far as what I'm doing-- but he did check up on me to see how I did today.

I am focusing on the fact that I'm using Weight Watchers as a way to learn how to eat healthy again. Somehow my good habits I developed a few years ago were completely disregarded in the last year or so. I want to feel like I used to feel when I had lost almost 100 lbs. I was doing something right at that time!

The more I think about it, I realize that my disordered eating habits truly became a big problem when I hit a plateau that first time around. I want to write more about this and why I think it contributed to my backslide soon.

I'm not going to lie-- I'm so hungry right now. I'll be going grocery shopping this weekend and can stock up on the things that I should be eating. I'd love your recommendations on snacks with low SmartPoints values. This is all kind of new to me!

I made my Easy Beef Stew for supper tonight with some rolls. I may have eaten a little too much stew, but I only ate one roll and no dessert. I'm happy with that! The stew is full of veggies. It was perfect for this fall day.

Let me know if you are following the current SmartPoints WW plan!

Thursday, October 13, 2016


Well, tomorrow is the big day!

I am calling it day one. We won't go over how many "day ones" I've had! But you have not failed until you've failed to try, right?

Sometimes I feel like when I share my latest method of trying to lose weight that I'm not only disappointing myself but also disappointing everyone else. I know it doesn't really matter. I see the success that others continue to have on the same program I was on and I feel very ashamed and embarrassed. Just know that what I am going to do is a very sustainable and healthy method.

It's not that the plan didn't work, but it apparently wasn't sustainable for me and I believe it was a huge trigger to my binge eating, as you mentioned it was for you too, Karla. So thankful you posted that so I knew I wasn't alone in this.

But to see so many people losing pound after pound, it really crushes me. I am proud of them, but it crushes me. That could have been me. I have failed, yet again. And then there's the business side of it that I want to be a part of, but I know that I cannot because I cannot be authentic.

I knew in my heart that it was not a sustainable way to lose weight and keep it off, but I clutch onto every little hope that comes around. I have learned that these types of programs can be a very big problem for those of us with disordered eating. I just need to learn now to share what I'm doing with anyone so I don't have to feel the shame!

Saturday, October 8, 2016

What to do?

Are you enjoying the fall weather? It has been beautiful here! Those of you in Hurricane Mathew's path are experiencing some terrible fall weather-- hope all of you and yours are safe!

The last time I checked in about my weight loss struggles was September 27th, so I thought I'd check in again. Unfortunately, I don't have any wonderful news to report or anything. I haven't been on the scale though.

I was doing very well at making healthier decisions and eating more "real" food, but then I started slipping again. And then I got the stomach flu a few days ago and haven't eaten very much, and what I have eaten has been bland and filled with carbs! Mashed potatoes, toast, a bagel... that kind of thing.

At least I'm starting to feel better as the day goes on-- I'm on day 3. I'm in that mode where I want to clean everything, which always happens after I'm sick, but I find my energy wears down pretty quickly! The house realllyyyy needs to be cleaned too.

I've been trying a new tactic to get the house cleaned up. When everything seems overwhelming, I have 10-minute tidy sessions. Hubby joined me today and we cleaned/straightened as much as we could for 10 minutes. And we'll do that numerous times throughout the day. It seems to be working fairly well-- even Little Miss Sunshine helped a little because it makes it seem like a game.

I haven't been sure of what to write about lately. Maybe I'm not taking enough time to get into that creative space-- and I know I need to do that because it's good for me in so many ways and something that I really enjoy.

This blog has always had a weight loss focus-- in addition to other topics thrown in here and there. So I think that's part of what keeps me from writing. But I'm not giving up.

Lately, I have felt my weight begin to hold me back from living again. I find myself embarrassed of my size all of the time and constantly feel like everyone is judging me. I know now that it's probably not the case and anxiety can cause thoughts and feelings like this, but I still don't like that feeling.

I begin to avoid things. Sometimes I don't even want to go outside because I feel like I'm so fat that everyone will be judging me. It sounds like the dumbest thing ever when I put that out there! I definitely hold myself back because of my weight and I hate it.

Sometimes I think maybe I should join Weight Watchers again for the 500th time. The only thing holding me back is imagining what hubby would say! It wasn't that long ago that I decided I was going to give that a try again and I think I tracked my points like not even one full day. But that's my own fault, I'd need to make it mandatory.

Maybe I need to join, but start going to the meetings this time. I've been thinking about getting Little Miss Sunshine into day care for a day or half day so that she can interact with other kids-- she's so sociable and I know she would love it. It'd be really good for her and a great way to use up some of her energy. But that would give me time to go to a meeting if I wanted to.

I think I'd want to go to a center that's farther away. When you live in a small town, people get to know who you are. I'd rather not have more people notice me failing! What a terrible attitude to have.

It's hard to know what to do! I just know that I have to do something.


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